So I was thrown a curveball today

"Your boy, BJR" (jerseyshoreben) 04/21/2015 at 17:36 • Filed to: None

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Me and a co-worker were sitting outside today, she looks at my car, looks at me, and then asks me a question that threw me so much, I genuinely had to stop and think:

“How come you never put the top down?”

Keep in mind, this girl has been in my Cadillac many times. Once I explained to her what exactly was going on with the top of my car, she looked at me like I told everything she’s ever known is a lie.

itschrome > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:38

0

haha. thats great!

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:39

1

Only one thing to do. Make it a removable hardtop.

E92M3 > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:40

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You could of gone so many ways with that one.

Nibbles > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:40

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Well

Did you ask her the same?

daender > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:41

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Welp....

petebmwm > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:42

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brilliant!

MonkeePuzzle > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:42

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so I turned to her and stared her straight in the chest and asked “How come you never put YOUR top down?”

and that is how I got this black eye

Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:42

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So what your saying is what you really need is one of these?

E. Julius > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:42

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Good thing it hit you early. Pretty sure if this happens to a landau owner past 65 their head just explodes.

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:42

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No top-down ‘lacs were sold during the reign of that DeVille. Negative jalop-points for your co-worker.

Your boy, BJR > MonkeePuzzle 04/21/2015 at 17:44

4

She’s 15....

Twinpowermeansoneturbo > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:46

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#landauproblems

MonkeePuzzle > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:47

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well that was a rude thing to say to her then! you should feel ashamed

ly2v8-Brian > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:48

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I guess the top was successful then.

Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:48

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What?!?! 18?

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:49

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It’s okay if you’re also under age....otherwise, why you hangin with the young-uns, Perve?

Your boy, BJR > Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis 04/21/2015 at 17:49

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I absolutely need one of those

The Opponaut formerly known as MattP123 > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:51

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A friend asked me the same thing. So I stuck my hand out the window and knocked on the roof so he could hear that sound that’s kinda like when they shake a sheet of metal to make it sound like thunder.

505Turbeaux > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 17:52

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time to take the sawzall out

D > Twinpowermeansoneturbo 04/21/2015 at 17:52

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#landoproblems

Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 18:00

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You could probably also use the baby blue Navigator in the background.

Your boy, BJR > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 04/21/2015 at 18:01

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I’M not the perve. The 53 y.o. Pizza maker who said “my dick would make your pussy bleed” to her, however, is.

Your boy, BJR > Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis 04/21/2015 at 18:04

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Fuck a Lincoln.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 18:04

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Holy shit. That would get you shot if it were my daughter that it was being said to.

Your boy, BJR > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 04/21/2015 at 18:11

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If I had heard it said, I woulda punched him in his fat fuckin’ gob. Since it was brought to my attention afterwards, I just spent all day the next day openly flirting with his daughter in front of him and wait for the owner to fire him.

Your boy, BJR > E. Julius 04/21/2015 at 18:14

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But I don't have a landau top.....

Your boy, BJR > D 04/21/2015 at 18:14

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.....goddamnit am I gonna have to make a post explaining what is and isn't a landau top?

Your boy, BJR > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 04/21/2015 at 18:15

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Well that's just false

E. Julius > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 18:16

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Wait I thought that’s what it was called. What is it called?

Your boy, BJR > E. Julius 04/21/2015 at 18:20

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Mine is just a vinyl top. Landau is any soft top that doesn’t go further forward than the B Pillar.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 18:20

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Well, that sort of explains why he’s 53 and still flippin’ pizza.

Your boy, BJR > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 04/21/2015 at 18:24

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Hahahaha! He tells people he owns the place. In reality, he’s just a tony soprano wannabe who spends more money than he has all while acquiring an almost $10k gambling debt.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 18:25

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That’s a bad place to be in. Oh well. Let his life serve as a lesson in how not to be.

Nibbles > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 18:31

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Please do. The unwashed masses require education

jkm7680 > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 18:35

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Please don’t marry her.

Twinpowermeansoneturbo > D 04/21/2015 at 18:50

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Which are worse?

Your boy, BJR > jkm7680 04/21/2015 at 19:02

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Who said anything about marraige?

jkm7680 > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 19:04

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Me, I am merely suggesting that you don’t marry her.

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 19:07

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Damn, I forgot the XLR came out in 04. I shall now proceed to eat my shorts.

Your boy, BJR > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 04/21/2015 at 19:09

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Not to mention companies like coachbuilders ltd, and any used caddy convertibles that traded hands between 2000 and 2005

Tohru > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 19:27

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I had an ‘89 Bronco. I drove it to school once with the top removed. One of my classmates asked “When did you take a Sawzall to your Explorer?”

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 19:30

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Fair enough.

jariten1781 > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 19:49

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Landau just means vinyl (or other fabric) non-vert these days. It certainly wasn’t historically, but definitions morph.

Your boy, BJR > jariten1781 04/21/2015 at 19:52

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I’m going by what we went by at Cadillac. Landau was b pillar back, carriage was full length, and if it had the fake convertible skeleton, it was a phaeton. If it was vinyl instead of cloth, then it's a vinyl top

Steve in Manhattan > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 19:53

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There was a time when a top that looked like that would go down.

vwbeamer > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 19:56

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wow, I’m sure there a law suit and some money there.

Your boy, BJR > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 04/21/2015 at 20:00

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Lol the owner just fired him. It was the most epic curse out I ever heard. He ran out of words and had to switch to Italian.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 20:03

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Damn. You know it’s real when you have to switch back to your own language. (My wife has done that to me in the past) Too bad he’s got a daughter that has to live with that asshole.

jariten1781 > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 20:03

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Cool, didn’t know the particular Caddy names, they certainly weren’t universal. It’s always interesting to hear those vagaries.

Landau certainly lost any real meaning in the common tongue and just became synonymous with vinyl roof which really meant any fabric applied to a non-vert...it got Kleenex/Xeroxed. You risk looking like a pedant if you phrase it emphatically as ‘you are wrong this is not a landau’ as opposed to something like ‘everyone today calls these landaus, but there’s lots of different styles if you know what you’re looking for’.

Dy-no-mite Jay > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 04/21/2015 at 20:37

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As a man preparing for the birth of his first child, a little girl, I can certainly say that would get him shot into human Swiss cheese, after making him bleed from an ice pick through the urethra.

Dy-no-mite Jay > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 04/21/2015 at 20:39

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And that is the problem, he is STILL flipping pizzas and not at home fired, bleeding from from an ice pick through the urethra wound I would have inflicted if it was my daughter.

Dy-no-mite Jay > Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis 04/21/2015 at 20:40

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I shudder to think of the chassis flex going down the road...

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Dy-no-mite Jay 04/21/2015 at 20:40

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I wouldn’t bother with a snappy comeback, but in my head the terminator would be saing something like “We will also see if you bleed.”

Tinfoil Hat in a thunderstorm, now with added diecast > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 20:41

3

My whole life I’ve wondered if anyone is ever fooled by these tops. As a child I was so disappointed to find out it was a stage prop and not functional.

Your boy, BJR > Tohru 04/21/2015 at 22:11

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This girl I was trying to impress junior year of HS called my bronco “a big ugly red box with a removable lid”

I lold

Tohru > Your boy, BJR 04/21/2015 at 22:19

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Mine was blue and silver two-tone with typical paint adhesion problems (big primer spots showing everywhere) on 31’s with a LaVerne grille guard.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Your boy, BJR 04/22/2015 at 04:24

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facepalm!

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Your boy, BJR 04/22/2015 at 12:57

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“And that’s when I shot him, your honor.”

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Your boy, BJR 04/22/2015 at 13:00

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Believe me, there are many people like this.

Half the people who get in my car ask me to do a burnout, and that’s fairly mild stupidity. I had one ask me why my car has tinted windows even though the windows roll down.

Yup.

Your boy, BJR > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 04/22/2015 at 13:04

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I don’t even UNDERSTAND that 2nd question.

Your boy, BJR > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 04/22/2015 at 13:05

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Well he was fired immediately after I told the owner.

Your boy, BJR > Tohru 04/22/2015 at 13:11

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Mine was in genuinely good shape. (forgive the blurry ass circa 2009 flip phone pic)

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Your boy, BJR 04/22/2015 at 13:13

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It was from this chick, so...

http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/so-i-taught-my…

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Your boy, BJR 04/22/2015 at 13:14

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Good fucking riddance.

Your boy, BJR > sm70- why not Duesenberg? 04/22/2015 at 13:23

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Tohru > Your boy, BJR 04/23/2015 at 01:47

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Ah, a 92-96 Eddie Bauer.

My first was an ‘89 XLT 5.0L with steel wheels and cloth bench.

My second was a black ‘96 XLT 5.8L with the same wheels as yours, grey leather bucket seats, and all the chrome except the grille was blacked out.

Your boy, BJR > Tohru 04/23/2015 at 08:25

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‘95 to be exact

Tohru > Your boy, BJR 04/23/2015 at 11:42

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Did yours have rear shoulder belts? My '89 had lap belts but my '96 had rear shoulder belts that bolted to the top. Because of that, I never took the top off my '96.

Your boy, BJR > Tohru 04/23/2015 at 12:03

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Yeah it had rear shoulders. They unbolted.

thebigbossyboss > Your boy, BJR 04/24/2015 at 14:10

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LOL “tony soprano wannabe”

HAHAHAA

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Your boy, BJR 04/25/2015 at 00:11

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I hope he is also fired